Guilty Mommy

What made me feel really crappy today is not my stomachache or nausea, but it is what I've done to my sweet little daughter.

On Saturday, I brought our for swimming, she loved it! She really enjoyed playing in the water. She didn't know how to swim but I could see she has instinct for it. We spent about an hour there at the pool, and she did not want to leave the pool. So I had to tell her I will take her there again on Sunday.

But...... I forgot I had to work on Sunday!!!

On Sunday, I left home early hoping I could go home early enough to be able to take her to the pool but the weather was unfavorable.... it was raining, so we couldn't go.

This morning, my little woke up before 6 AM, with a big grin on her face.... and the first thing she said to me was "Let's go swimming!"

That broke my heart...... I broke her promise and I couldn't take her to swim today either... I won't be able until next Saturday.

I feel like sh*t now.... I wish I could take her to swim....

Ramona.... I'm sorry.

Dedicated to a betrayal

"I Don't Care Anymore"
By Phil Collins

Well you can tell ev'ryone I'm a down disgrace
Drag my name all over the place.
I don't care anymore.
You can tell ev'rybody 'bout the state I'm in
You won't catch me crying 'cos I just can't win.
I don't care anymore I don't care anymore

I don't care what you say
I don't play the same games you play.

'Cos I've been talking to the people that you call your friends
And it seems to me there's a means to and end.
They don't care anymore.
And as for me I can sit here and bide my time
I got nothing to lose if I speak my mind.
I don't care anymore I don't care no more

I don't care what you say
We never played by the same rules anyway.

I won't be there anymore
Get out of my way
Let me by
I got better things to do with my time
I don't care anymore I don't care anymore
I don't care anymore I don't care anymore

Well, I don't care now what you say
'Cos ev'ry day I'm feeling fine with myself
And I don't care now what you say
Hey I'll do alright by myself
'Cos I know.

'Cos I remember all the times I tried so hard
And you laughed in my face 'cos you held all the cards.
I don't care anymore.
And I really ain't bothered what you think of me
'Cos all I want of you is just a let me be.
I don't care anymore D'you hear? I don't care no more

I don't care what you say
I never did believe you much anyway.

I won't be there no more
So get out of my way.
Let me by
I got better things to do with my time
I don't care anymore
D'you hear? I don't care anymore
I don't care no more
You listening? I don't care no more
No more!

You know I don't care no more!

Uh Oh...

Oh! Sh*t!

I (almost) forgot that this Friday is our 4th Anniversary, and I didn't have any plan for that day. Hmm...but I still have time to think and prepare. Let's make it (very) simple this year!

Dinner.. for sure! but where? which restaurant? what kind of food? arghhhh.....

I have no idea right now and I don't want to do any surprise this year...

I'm taking tomorrow off... will see if I can do anything about our anniversary.

As it is Friday the 13th.. maybe we should go for a horror movie date! hehehehe....

Oh... this sounds fun!

I'm now having fun thinking and planning about our anniversary..on this special day!

I will tell you what we do on our Friday the13th, anniversary... muahahahaha...

Seems like I can't make it simple as I wanted it to be...

I Feel Gooooood!

I just realized that my mission to find out what feeds my soul was really helpful. Not only that I found what lifts my spirit, it also makes me so  happy. I woke up with the feeling that I'm fresh and ready to enjoy my day. I feel lighter... I think I can run a marathon! *I know..I know... it's just only a thought*

I smiled to everything... myself in the mirror, my lovely daughter, motorcycle taxi, teachers at the nursery, pedestrians, shopkeepers, passengers on the sky train, security guards, people who shared the lift and my colleagues. I am smiling now typing this... smile to my computer screen like a lunatic.

Well... I didn't forget to smile to my beloved husband but he left home while I was still not fully awake this morning. So I will send a smile to him via SMS and hope it will make him smile too.

The world looks so bright and shiny when I'm happy. I have a song for all of you...

"Ordinary Miracle" by Sarah McLachlan.

It's not that unusual
When everything is beautiful
It's just another ordinary miracle today

The sky knows when it's time to snow
Don't need to teach a seed to grow
It's just another ordinary miracle today

Life is like a gift they say
Wrapped up for you every day
Open up and find a way
To give some of your own love

Isn't it remarkable?
Like every time a raindrop falls
It's just another ordinary miracle today

Birds in winter have their fling
They always make it home in spring
It's just another ordinary miracle today

When you wake up everyday
Please don't throw your dreams away
Hold them close to your heart
Cause we are all a part of the ordinary miracle

Ordinary miracle
Do you want to see a miracle?

It seems so exceptional
The things just work out after all
It's just another ordinary miracle today

The sun comes up and shines so bright
And disappears again at night
It's just another ordinary miracle today

It's just another ordinary miracle today...

What feeds my spirit

It's been more than two years since my last post on Blogger.com. I think the reason I was absent here is because the influence of new social media like Facebook and Twitter. I have spent more time using those pages and forgot all about the blogging.

But now since I am on a very important mission -- Finding what feeds my spirit, and one of the way to find that out is to go back and read my old blogs. I expected to find something I really liked to do that made my soul at peace. You know what I have found?

Yes! I found many things that cheer up my spirit. Traveling, Good food, Photography, Drawing - arts and Blogging about all of those I like!

Here I'm blogging again. I don't expect many people to read my blog as same as I never expect people to follow my Twitter. Why? You may wonder why I blog if I don't expect people to read it. Well, it's just like my diary, the old style diary which is supposed to be secret. The diary that I write to myself, so that I can come back and read it again and to bring back some memories. Just to get me back to my nostalgia... that's all.

But I don't mind people reading my blog either, especially the people who read and share their thoughts with what I've written. I always appreciate their opinions.

There are many things happened in the past two years and I cannot remember all of them! *That's why I should blog about them, so I wouldn't forget!* Things have changed and I have changed. I am now a mother of a 19 months old girl who will be 20 months old on Sunday. I didn't think I can be a mother... I don't like kids! But to be honest, I love being a mother. I love my daughter so much. I can tell you that most of my blogs will be talking about her.

Here is my sweet & mischievous Ramona!

Isn't she adorable?

Oh! The washing machine is calling me... I gotta go hang up my laundry.

I promise I will tell you more about our trips to the north last year! See ya!

Seeing a doctor

September 25, 2009

The day after I knew I'm pregnant, it's time to see a doctor.

Getting up late... had brunch, getting ready to go...

Vibhavadi hospital is our destination as it's one of the nearest hospitals from our house. I paid 60 baht for the taxi fare to get to the hospital...

Easy and fast service from the hospital staff... weight checked *secret*, blood pressure checked *normal*

About 5 minutes waiting then it's our turn to see the doctor.

Doctor: What is the reason you're here?
Jane: I'm pregnant. I think I'm pregnant as the magic stick said so...
Doctor: Ok. When was your last period?
Jane: That's the problem.... I don't remember exactly when! I guess in August?
Doctor: It's ok. We will find that out later but if that's when you had your last period then your due date should be......................................... May 18, 2010.
Jane: Oh...ok. Do I need any check up?
Doctor: Nah... save your 300 baht. The magic stick showed 2 lines, right? Then you're pregnant.
Doctor: Now, eat more carrots and broccoli. Don't take motorcycle or Tuk tuk and don't carry heavy stuff.. no more carrying 5 kilos of orange on both sides.... not for these first 3 months.
Jane: Can I ride a motorbike?
Doctor: NO! Can't be rider or passenger!
Jane: Ok.....
Doctor: Can you NOT have sex during these first 3 months?
Jane: *Think* Do we have other choice?
Jane: Nodded her head...
Doctor: Ok. Done! I will see you again next month.

----------------------------
Got some vitamins and calcium supplement and left the hospital....

Next destination, we went to a book store to get the pregancy bible.... 5% discount from Asia book!

That's it for the day... Advice of the day: During the first trimester, NO SEX!!!

A great news day

September 24, 2009

It's one of the greatest days of my life...

I got the greatest news from the magic stick, it showed 2 purple lines that means I'm pregnant!

Running back to my bedroom, informing this great news to the father-to-be, and then jumping up and down with joy together for a few seconds...

Who should we inform next? Should we not inform anyone? Should I go see doctor today? Should I wait for another test to confirm? Many questions were popping up in my head.....

Well... It's too early. Let me go back to bed and will figure what to do next later...

The father-to-be couldn't hold it any longer. He called his mother to inform her about our great news. Got a recommendation for pregnancy bible: What to expect when you're expecting. We decided to tell her not to tell anyone else until we're ready to tell. Shhhhhh...for now, ok?

Then it's time to tell my mother.... same condition. No telling anybody else until we're ready to shout out the news.

Keeping a secret is hard... keeping this secret is even harder!

We decided to go see the doctor next morning...

I went to sleep with a new feeling... there is something special inside my tummy!
*The magic stick is 99.99% accurate, right?*
*I hope it is!*


Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........